"It looks like I owe you," I said unbuttoning my shirt to show him thecamisole underneath."Is it working?" he asked. "Do you feel more in control?" Frankly, no," I replied. "I feel less in control. The panic attackshave stopped, but instead I find myself dependent on your treatment. Ihave to wear these underclothes, or it seems I go to pieces."This is new for me too," he explained. "You are a novel case for me.But the feminine in you is so strong that we have to find a way to pullit out. Frankly I am surprised that you do not have any feelings ofgender dysphoria - any transsexual thoughts?..." Nothing like that," I responded truthfully. "At least not until now.I am having some dreams of being female. It is not want I want, it'sjust a dream, that I am not me. Is this normal? To be frank Doc, Iwonder if I am losing touch."I spent another hour on his couch and we talked through some of theissues. No more "regression" thankfully. That seemed to me to be thestart of all this. . Alan could sense the dejection in his voice. ‘What are you doing back?’ Soren had left Friday morning and taken a train home, he was from Rockville, a suburb of Washington, DC, and his girlfriend was a freshman at the University of Maryland, about halfway between the nation’s capital and Baltimore. ‘My girlfriend wanted me to meet someone: her new boyfriend. His name is Charlie, and he’s a senior. Pre-med. Isn’t that great?’ he asked facetiously, grimacing. ‘Oh shit. Jeez man, that’s terrible,’ Alan commiserated. ‘Come, I’m taking you out for brunch.’ Soren demurred. ‘Seriously,’ Alan insisted, ‘Come on, we’re going to La Rosita.’ La Rosita is a Cuban coffee shop on Broadway and 108th Street. It’s cheep and delicious, and Alan ate there at least once a week. After a brief bit of haggling Soren agreed, it was one of his favorite eateries too. The crisp autumn air made Alan wish he had worn a jacket, but since it was a relatively short walk he decided not to run back into the dorm for.
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